This summer.

It's going to be perfect. That is all. :)

Every thing is coming crashing down.

Nobody understands why I complain. I don't complain over bullshit, I complain over completely rational things. Like everything that's been going on lately. Because of one stupid thing, mine and Nate's summer is ruined, our relationship is being screwed with and nothing is working out right anymore. Everything just seems to be working against us. It's literally the world against us, and no matter how much everyone around us denies it, it's true. I just want this all to work out. I wish I could go back to Wednesday, and take back everything that happened. I just want to be happy, doesn't everyone? I mean, I know it could be worse. He and I could be broken up right now, or forbidden to see each other, and thank god neither of those are true, but I just wish everyone would just leave he and I alone..

Key words: I wish.

I love you.

I really honestly truly DON'T see what Nate sees in me, but I'm damn glad that he does. I don't know what (or where) I'd be without him. He's made me the person I am today, a hell of a lot better. I don't know what I'd do without him. He makes me, ME. I sure hope he never ever ever forgets that. Man, I love him.. he really has no idea. I love him more than anything in the entire world, and I'd do anything, and everything to make him happy. I strive to be the best person I can be, for him. Because sometimes I need to be strong for him. And sometimes he needs to be strong for me. But either way, I'm completely 100% his, and I always will be. And no matter WHAT we ever go through, I know it's never going to break us apart. The things we've already been through really shows that we're forever. And I know people usually don't know "their forever" after just seven months, at 15 years old, but I guess I'm just the oddball out of that. Because I KNOW that he and I are forever (and ever and ever and ever.) Not a minute goes by that he's not in my mind, and I'm not worried about him, yet so thrilled to see what happens next. I could spend hours just talking about how much I love him, how much he's helped me, and how much I need him and his support. It feels SO good to know that I can go to him, in my pajamas, with no make-up on, at my absolute worst, and he still thinks I'm absolutely flawless. I wouldn't be able to go more than a a day without talking to him, it'd break me. He's what I need to get through the day, his voice, his love, his support. HIM.
It sends shivers down my spine every single time he touches me, hugs me, kisses me. And I can't see myself without him, not ever. He is my life, and there's no doubt about it. I love him with absolutely everything I am and I don't ever see that changing.

I HATE MY HAIR.

and I want extensions, PRONTO. I've been doing a bunch of shopping/research on them, for about two weeks now, and I just can't find something that I could trust to be worth my money. And all of the GOOD quality ones are $150+ which sucks, because I've got $55 to spend. Hmph.. this sucks.

it's been a while.

not really, only a few days, but still. it feels like i haven't been on here for a while.
a lot has been going on, and only a select few know about it... only the ones who care.
i'm at home, taking care of my brother corey, while aidan sleeps, and my dad is out shopping. this morning was stupid, i was woken up by yelling again. i hate when that happens.
i guess i'm doing nothing, again, today.
OH and apparently, when me and nate lay in his bed together, and sit together in the back seat, that's "disrespectful" to his parents, so if we do that again, i'm not allowed over anymore? it's bullshit. but it's whatever. nobody is going to keep us apart.

okay, bye.
<3

ravenknuckleup?!

wow. what a gay screenname! ;D just kidding?!
i'm wiff raven right now. she's pooping. i'm drinking a mini coke. life's alright.

just kidding about the last part. a lot has been going on the last few days, it's scary. i've realized, since monday, there are NOT a lot of people i can really trust, only five... COOL.

other than that, school's alright. the days seem like they're going by way too slow, though, and it sucks. but it's whatever. i think i'll survive, one way or another.

ugh.

i'm terrified at the moment. and unless you're brent or nate, you wouldn't know, nor would you understand. NOR would you care.

so lately,

i've felt completely friendless, and let me tell you, it's not a good feeling to have..

sundays are the worst.

nobody likes them. especially since it's the last day of vacation. but i'm alright with that- i kind of miss school. i haven't done ANYTHING at all this week, so i'm really excited to get back and see people again. but i'm not looking forward to the SCHOOL part. not at all.

chase coy?!

im absolutely OBSESSED with him. his music is beautiful (like his hair!?) and his songs explain my life, spot on. it makes me want to just go for it- start writing music again. sure, my voice isn't the perfect, but i try, and singing is what makes me happy; along side of photography and nate. it's like music knows me and i sure do know music. and i'm also starting to play the piano, which i'm stoked about. lolol, i can't even read music. i'm glad i can play by ear! i dont know.. music just intruiges(sp?) me and fascinates me to no end. i wish i could write music like chase. i really really do. i could listen to him for he rest of my life, and i'd be happy.(:

today...

was god awful. hahaha, i went to work with my step mom and we did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but go to meetings for ten hours straight. I'M NEVER WORKING IN AN OFFICE, not ever.

this whole blogging ordeal... i really like it. a lot more than i thought i would. <3

cubicle

i'm never ever ever working in an office, no way, no how. it's like hell, sitting in one of these. chlaustrophobia, FTMFW, yuht.

work.

i'm going to work with my step mom. this should be fun..

i can't sleep.

insomnia is hell and i wish i could just fall asleep. and my iPod is about to die. i might as well write about today- nate and i hung out all day. we watched My Girl 2 (My Girl is our favourite movie.) and played with my brothers. we had spaghetti for dinner, then went for a long walk. we walked back to my house in the rain, and it was PERFECT. today was good. i needed to just get out and spend the day with him. it was wonderful.

formspring?!

people are heartless. wether or not they know it, they're simply breaking people's hearts into teensy little pieces. it's hard to sit there and pretend that the things they say don't hurt me, but in all reality, they hurt. bad. sure, it's cool to see what people think about me, but some people just bring it too far and things start becoming personal. it's hard to say things like, "it doesn't matter what you think of me," because it really does. i honestly don't CARE about what people think of me, but it sucks when they think the bad things. it's not like what they say is really going to affect me, it's not going to change who i am, and how i think about myself, but it really does suck. i try really hard not to be too bad of a person, and i'm truly sorry to all people that i have been mean or rude to, but what you think of me really doesn't matter.

blogging is weird, i feel like i'm talking to nobody, but everybody at the same time.. but i sort of like it.